![]() For although it is commonly argued that religion offers cheap doctrinal consolation in the form of the belief in life after death, and thus is a classic form of avoidance, in practice the opposite is the case, for the liturgical side of religion presses the bereaved up against the reality of their loss. And I suspect that, surprisingly, the erosion of public religion has made things worse. There is surely something deeply emotionally brittle about the refusal to allow ourselves to be overcome with grief. Like a child that needs the light on all night, we seem increasingly terrified to spend periods of time without consolation, without levity. But then again, why is this a time for jokes? But also because there is a fundamental form of denial going on in a society that cannot cry or get upset or just sit with its own grief without having to distract itself with a bit of a laugh – Monty Python’s Always Look on the Bright Side of Life is one of the most popular songs at funerals. This is a problem in part because the happy funeral, in refusing to allow a life’s end to impact us in all its darkness, is no longer helping us through the grieving process. It’s the basic lack of seriousness of the so-called happy funeral that bothers me the most – and I have been to many a religious funeral that also strains at a chirpy matter-of-factness in the presence of the dead. One might call it a Fellini-themed funeral, with all the high drama of the Mass.īut this is not an argument about religion. Or am I just being a snob? After all, I want a themed funeral of sorts: with great clouds of incense and black-veiled Sophia Loren look-a-likes blubbing into their lacy hankies. It is non-being that gives the gathering its very point. It is precisely our permanent absence that is being acknowledged. The funeral is not just one more occasion for us to be centre stage or party hosts, in absentia. But there is nothing more incongruous than “because I’m worth it” consumerism when practised by – or even on behalf of – those who no longer exist. ![]() ![]() ![]() Funeral orations may sound more and more like a best man’s speech, with the inevitable weak jocularity. For self-expression and individuality are not characteristics of the dead. And yet, of course, there is something very obviously odd about all of this. ![]()
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